Saturday Afternoon Gratitude List and thoughts

One of the most fascinating things is how fast I can go from one feeling to another being sober. Drunks and Junkies do not like that. They only want good feelings or oblivion. HP gives feelings to help us move through life with a bit more guidance than if we didn't have those feelings. Also we create some wild things with our thinking. I had some unique problems in the last two days and today they are basically solved. The attitude of Gratitude works and connects me with higher power. I am happy today. I am so blessed.

• Sobriety - I would be so dead or incarcerated without it.
• HP - I can't leave home without him.
• the program - my daily reprieve
• Snow - ain't it beautiful
• Christa the Phaeton - a great car and a great toy, but bothering me a bit.
• my home - beautiful, peaceful, stately, quiet and, well, home.
• my health - excellent, just got a super physical report
• Don - a quiet powerful man and a good friend, and really really funny
• Jim - my best friend and a real rock
• Larry - a good guy
• Duane - another best friend
• Rob - the man who completed Duane's life
• Victor - he cares and that is wonderful
• Dustin - powerful, insightful, insane thinker, and a thoughtful man
• Pastor Alika - who breaks open the word like no one else and keeps me working on the connection with Jesus. Back at home now, inspiring and fun
• the folks at Kwanzaa Presbyterian - my family with prayers and support
• my mom and dad - gone but here
• Bill - my wonderful brother who goes way beyond in support and care
• Noel - my sister in law who understands
• Eric - my eldest Nephew
• Lucinda - the wonderful wife of my Nephew Eric
• Nate - the funny and fun second Nephew
• Jessica - Nate's wonderful wife and a grand woman
• Nick - The Youngest Nephew and a brilliant musician
• Lydia - Eric and Lucinda's little daughter
• Minnesota - I love this state
• Tara - A great member of Kwanzaa and a super prayer
• Arlene - A wonderful woman of Kwanzaa
• Gerry - Super woman and a woman of God from Kwanzaa
• Tony M - he understands and cares and really is way beyond me in many ways
• Christian - Brilliant, good man
• Damien - Superb actor and a good man
• Kent - Excellent Musician and slowly learning.
• Cassidy - a totally wonderful man, he has been given many gifts, with HP he will make it.
• Timmy - Talented and gifted man, sometimes love is tough
• The Lattin Family, and all the 14 children, owners of Wit's End County Store and Bakery, Beaver Bay, MN - demonstrating the Kingdom to the world
• Steve H - big heart and a big man of sobriety
• Ko and Lo - A couple of God
• Michael and Debbie - Loving the world with Music
• Technology - Makes a lot of things happen as a tool
• Ben Speiser - Super, sweet and very intelligent
• Jason - brilliant and devoted lover of Ben
• Tom Scholla - been with me for a long time
• The Gang of Knitters around the Yarn Garage - creative and challenging
• Brandon Randolph - stunning man
• Larry Eckhart - funny fun and devoted man
• Bob Moore - gifted artist
• Margo - sweet friend
• Jo - very intelligent and very caring
• Polly - awesome woman
• Dennis Johnston - gifted therapist
• the Fiddle - my drug of choice
• Dan Chouinard - fantastic man of music
• Sima Shumilovsky - sweet old world musician
• Eric - great 12 Step man
• Virginia - very good friend
• The Meintsmas - committed and loving
• Earl Lindner - rock of a man
• Kevin Jackson - gifted with music
• Christopher Raymond - A Mac Genius
• Chris J - good program man
• Leo - my leader and my conscience
• Hank - my first sponsor
• Scott - my second gay sponsor
• Tom S - long time friend and my plumber
• music - heals me and excites me
• Justin - friend and super support the last week or so
• Eric - friend
• Clem - friend
• Christian - friend
• Blaine - friend
• Sasha - friend
• James - friend
• Casey - friend
• Marc J - friend
• Tim K - friend
• Dustin - friend
• Geo - friend
• Joe L - friend
• Ross M - friend
• Joseph S. - friend
• Joseph Perry - friend and my TM teacher
• Christof - friend
• Michelle - friend
• Max - friend
• Dontray - friend

Hi again. It is good to Journal

My Gratitude List

• Sobriety - I would be so dead or incarcerated without it.
• HP - I can't leave home without him.
• the program - my daily reprieve

• Snow - ain't it beautiful
• Christa the Phaeton - a great car and a great toy, but bothering me a bit.
• my home - beautiful, peaceful, stately, quiet and, well, home.
• my health - excellent, just got a super physical report
• Don - a quiet powerful man and a good friend, and really really funny
• Jim - my best friend and a real rock
• Larry - a good guy
• Duane - another best friend
• Rob - the man who completed Duane's life
• Victor - he cares and that is wonderful
• Dustin - powerful, insightful, insane thinker, and a thoughtful man
• Pastor Alika - who breaks open the word like no one else and keeps me working on the connection with Jesus. Back at home now, inspiring and fun
• the folks at Kwanzaa Presbyterian - my family with prayers and support
• my mom and dad - gone but here
• Bill - my wonderful brother who goes way beyond in support and care
• Noel - my sister in law who understands
• Eric - my eldest Nephew
• Lucinda - the wonderful wife of my Nephew Eric
• Nate - the funny and fun second Nephew
• Jessica - Nate's wonderful wife and a grand woman
• Nick - The Youngest Nephew and a brilliant musician
• Lydia - Eric and Lucinda's little daughter
• Minnesota - I love this state
• Tara - A great member of Kwanzaa and a super prayer
• Arlene - A wonderful woman of Kwanzaa
• Gerry - Super woman and a woman of God from Kwanzaa
• Tony M - he understands and cares and really is way beyond me in many ways
• Christian - Brilliant, good man
• Damien - Superb actor and a good man
• Kent - Excellent Musician and slowly learning.
• Cassidy - a totally wonderful man, he has been given many gifts, with HP he will make it.
• Timmy - Talented and gifted man, sometimes love is tough
• The Lattin Family, and all the 14 children, owners of Wit's End County Store and Bakery, Beaver Bay, MN - demonstrating the Kingdom to the world
• Steve H - big heart and a big man of sobriety
• Ko and Lo - A couple of God
• Michael and Debbie - Loving the world with Music
• Technology - Makes a lot of things happen as a tool
• Ben Speiser - Super, sweet and very intelligent
• Jason - brilliant and devoted lover of Ben
• Tom Scholla - been with me for a long time
• The Gang of Knitters around the Yarn Garage - creative and challenging
• Brandon Randolph - stunning man
• Larry Eckhart - funny fun and devoted man
• Bob Moore - gifted artist
• Margo - sweet friend
• Jo - very intelligent and very caring
• Polly - awesome woman
• Dennis Johnston - gifted therapist
• the Fiddle - my drug of choice
• Dan Chouinard - fantastic man of music
• Sima Shumilovsky - sweet old world musician
• Eric - great 12 Step man
• Virginia - very good friend
• The Meintsmas - committed and loving
• Earl Lindner - rock of a man
• Kevin Jackson - gifted with music
• Christopher Raymond - A Mac Genius
• Chris J - good program man
• Leo - my leader and my conscience
• Hank - my first sponsor
• Scott - my second gay sponsor
• Tom S - long time friend and my plumber
• music - heals me and excites me
• Justin - friend and super support the last week or so
• Eric - friend
• Clem - friend
• Christian - friend
• Blaine - friend
• Sasha - friend
• James - friend
• Casey - friend
• Marc J - friend
• Tim K - friend
• Dustin - friend
• Geo - friend
• Joe L - friend
• Ross M - friend
• Joseph S. - friend
• Joseph Perry - friend and my TM teacher
• Christof - friend
• Michelle - friend
• Max - friend
• Dontray - friend

I have been away a bit with a lot of challenges.  HP is going to get me through this.  Being alone is good but right now Dustin and Victor will probably be here for the weekend.  That should be fun.  I am enjoying doing the work for Steven even though he has pulled way way away.  He needs that right now.  Don Sparish is a grand friend and is primary support right now.  I am so blessed.

Hump Day Frolics

The Gratitude List for Today:

First the things I am grateful for:

• Sobriety - I would be so dead or incarcerated without it.
• HP - I can't leave home without him.
• the program - my daily reprieve
• Christa the Phaeton - a great car and a great toy
• my home - beautiful, peaceful, stately, quiet and, well, home.
• my health - excellent, just got a super physical report
• Don - a quiet powerful man and a good friend, and really really funny
• Jim - my best friend and a real rock
• Larry - a good guy
• Duane - another best friend
• Rob - the man who completed Duane's life
• Pastor Alika - who breaks open the word like no one else and keeps me working on the connection with Jesus. She is currently in Africa on an Aids HIV mission.
• the folks at Kwanzaa Presbyterian - my family with prayers and support
• my mom and dad - gone but here
• Bill - my wonderful brother who goes way beyond in support and care
• Noel - my sister in law who understands
• Eric - my eldest Nephew
• Lucinda - the wonderful wife of my Nephew Eric
• Nate - the funny and fun second Nephew
• Jessica - Nate's wonderful wife and a grand woman
• Nick - The Youngest Nephew and a brilliant musician
• Lydia - Eric and Lucinda's little daughter
• Minnesota - I love this state
• Tara - A great member of Kwanzaa and a super prayer
• Arlene - A wonderful woman of Kwanzaa
• Gerry - Super woman and a woman of God from Kwanzaa
• Tony M - he understands and cares and really is way beyond me in many ways
• Christian - Brilliant, good man
• Damien - Superb actor and a good man
• Kent - Excellent Musician and slowly learning.
• Cassidy - a totally wonderful man, he has been given many gifts
• Timmy - Talented and gifted man
• The Lattin Family, and all the 14 children, owners of Wit's End County Store and Bakery, Beaver Bay, MN - demonstrating the Kingdom to the world
• Steve H - big heart and a big man of sobriety
• Victor - he cares though I am sad he left
• Dustin - powerful, insightful, insane thinker, and growing into a thoughtful man
• Ko and Lo - A couple of God
• Michael and Debbie - Loving the world with Music
• Technology - Makes a lot of things happen as a tool
• Ben Speiser - Super, sweet and very intelligent
• Jason - brilliant and devoted lover of Ben
• Tom Scholla - been with me for a long time
• The Gang of Knitters around the Yarn Garage - creative and challenging
• Brandon Randolph - stunning man
• Larry Eckhart - funny fun and devoted man
• Bob Moore - gifted artist
• Margo - sweet friend
• Jo - very intelligent and very caring
• Polly - awesome woman
• Dennis Johnston - gifted therapist
• the Fiddle - my drug of choice
• Dan Chouinard - fantastic man of music
• Sima Shumilovsky - sweet old world musician
• Eric - great 12 Step man
• Virginia - very good friend
• The Meintsmas - committed and loving
• Earl Lindner - rock of a man
• Kevin Jackson - gifted with music
• Christopher Raymond - A Mac Genius
• Chris J - good program man
• Leo - my leader and my conscience
• Hank - my first sponsor
• Scott - my second gay sponsor
• Tom S - long time friend and my plumber
• music - heals me and excites me
• Justin - friend and super support the last week or so
• Eric - friend
• Clem - friend
• Christian - friend
• Blaine - friend
• Sasha - friend
• James - friend
• Casey - friend
• Marc J - friend
• Tim K - friend
• Dustin - friend
• Geo - friend
• Joe L - friend
• Ross M - friend
• Joseph S. - friend
• Joseph Perry - friend and my TM teacher
• Christof - friend
• Michelle - friend
• Max - friend
• Dontray - friend

I had lunch with a woman who was in my youth group in 1966 to 1969, Beryl Wells Hamilton. She is a sculptress and kicks butt with her work. She has the Copper Waterfall Studio. She is a smart, caring, sweet, talented, thoughtful, ballsy woman and it is a gift to know her. That is her rooster at the top of this blog entry. We coffeed at the Bad Waitress and then I went over to her studio tucked in the back of the Black Forest. I loved her stuff. I had a busy and super day. I got the opportunity to serve a lot of folks today. There were some emergencies. I got great phone calls, I had good food. The Aftercare group was all positive and the guys are doing fine. It was a keeper of a day. I am so blessed.

Tuesday Museings

First the things I am grateful for:

• Sobriety - I would be so dead or incarcerated without it.
• HP - God gives moment by moment blessings
• the program - gave me my life back
• Christa the Phaeton - a great car and a great toy - but perhaps too expensive
• my home - beautiful, peaceful, stately
• my health - excellent
• Don - a quiet powerful man and a good friend
• Jim - my best friend and a real rock
• Larry - a good guy
• Duane - another best friend
• Rob - the man who completed Duane's life
• Pastor Alika - who breaks open the word like no one else and keeps me working on the connection with Jesus. She is currently in Africa on an Aids HIV mission.
• the folks at Kwanzaa Presbyterian - my family with prayers and support
• my mom and dad - gone but here
• Bill - my wonderful brother who goes way beyond in support and care
• Noel - my sister in law who understands
• Eric - my eldest Nephew
• Lucinda - the wonderful wife of my Nephew Eric
• Nate - the funny and fun second Nephew
• Jessica - Nate's wonderful wife and a grand woman
• Nick - The Youngest Nephew and a brilliant musician
• Lydia - Eric and Lucinda's little daughter
• Minnesota - I love this state
• Tara - A great member of Kwanzaa and a super prayer
• Arlene - A wonderful woman of Kwanzaa
• Gerry - Super woman and a woman of God from Kwanzaa
• Tony M - he understands and cares and really is way beyond me in many ways
• Christian - Brilliant, good man
• Damien - Superb actor and a good man
• Kent - Excellent Musician and slowly learning.
• Cassidy - a totally wonderful man
• Timmy - Talented and gifted man
• The Lattin Family, and all the 14 children, owners of Wit's End County Store and Bakery, Beaver Bay, MN - demonstrating the Kingdom to the world
• Steve H - big heart and a big man of sobriety
• Victor - he cares though I am sad he left
• Dustin - powerful, insightful, insane thinker
• Ko and Lo - A couple of God
• Michael and Debbie - Loving the world with Music
• Technology - Makes a lot of things happen as a tool
• Ben Speiser - Super, sweet and very intelligent
• Jason - brilliant and devoted lover of Ben
• Tom Scholla - been with me for a long time
• The Gang of Knitters around the Yarn Garage - creative and challenging
• Brandon Randolph - stunning man
• Larry Eckhart - funny fun and devoted man
• Bob Moore - gifted artist
• Margo - sweet friend
• Jo - very intelligent and very caring
• Polly - awesome woman
• Dennis Johnston - gifted therapist
• the Fiddle - my drug of choice
• Dan Chouinard - fantastic man of music
• Sima Shumilovsky - sweet old world musician
• Eric - great 12 Step man
• Virginia - very good friend
• The Meintsmas - committed and loving
• Earl Lindner - rock of a man
• Kevin Jackson - gifted with music
• Christopher Raymond - A Mac Genius
• Chris J - good program man
• Leo - my leader and my conscience
• Hank - my first sponsor
• Scott - my second gay sponsor
• Tom S - long time friend and my plumber
• music - heals me and excites me
• Justin - friend and super support the last week or so
• Eric - friend
• Clem - friend
• Christian - friend
• Blaine - friend
• Sasha - friend
• James - friend
• Casey - friend
• Marc J - friend
• Tim K - friend
• Dustin - friend
• Geo - friend
• Joe L - friend
• Ross M - friend
• Joseph S. - friend
• Joseph Perry - friend and my TM teacher
• Christof - friend
• Michelle - friend
• Max - friend
• Dontray - friend

I am loving the peace and solitude to living by myself. It is a real gift. I am turning over the finances to God. It gives me a headache. This last weekend I ran people to and from the big Knitters Broohaha at the MOA to the Yarn Garage and back. It was a blast. I enjoy driving and I enjoy the Phaeton and it was fun to use it to help Steven. I am so blessed.

Starting out yet again

This is the last photo of a good man walking out of my life. I am missing him. He has his own issues and may be one of those who are described as "such unfortunates" in the 12 Step Programs. God is in charge and I know that HP works on you till he works in you. I have had a good time the last few days going to meetings, speaking at a couple of them, and spending a lot of time with solid program folk. There is a world of difference between the folks who dabble in recovery and those who are committed to it. The program calls the former, winners, and I can attest to the fact that they are winners.

Cassidy is now living in the St. Cloud area. One thing I know, I enjoy the solitude of being alone. It also allows me to perhaps date a bit without having to make arrangements with room mate. I can work in the nude, which I actually do quite a bit of the time. When I leave the condo dirty, it is dirty when I return, when I leave it clean, it is clean. I also know where to find things. Cass was a super cleaner but he put some things in places I have not yet discovered. He is a blessing, but I now know where things are since he is gone.

I have enjoyed

The things I am grateful for:
• Sobriety - I would be so dead or incarcerated without it.
• HP - God gives moment by moment blessings
• the program - gave me my life back
• Christa the Phaeton - a great car and a great toy - but perhaps too expensive
• my home - beautiful, peaceful, stately
• my health - excellent
• Don - a quiet powerful man
• Jim - my best friend and a real rock
• Larry - a good guy
• Duane - another best friend
• Rob - the man who completed Duane's life
• Pastor Alika - who breaks open the word like no one else and keeps me working on the connection with Jesus. She is currently in Africa on an Aids HIV mission.
• the folks at Kwanzaa Presbyterian - my family with prayers and support
• my mom and dad - gone but here
• Bill - my wonderful brother who goes way beyond in support and care
• Noel - my sister in law who understands
• Eric - my eldest Nephew
• Lucinda - the wonderful wife of my Nephew Eric
• Nate - the funny and fun second Nephew
• Jessica - Nate's wonderful wife and a grand woman
• Nick - The Youngest Nephew and a brilliant musician
• Lydia - Eric and Lucinda's little daughter
• Minnesota - I love this state
• Tara - A great member of Kwanzaa and a super prayer
• Arlene - A wonderful woman of Kwanzaa
• Gerry - Super woman and a woman of God from Kwanzaa
• Tony M - he understands and cares and really is way beyond me in many ways
• Christian - Brilliant, good man
• Damien - Superb actor and a good man
• Kent - Excellent Musician and slowly learning.
• Cassidy - a totally wonderful man
• Timmy - Talented and gifted man
• The Lattin Family, and all the 14 children, owners of Wit's End County Store and Bakery, Beaver Bay, MN - demonstrating the Kingdom to the world
• Steve H - big heart and a big man of sobriety
• Victor - he cares though I am sad he left
• Dustin - powerful, insightful, insane thinker
• Ko and Lo - A couple of God
• Michael and Debbie - Loving the world with Music
• Technology - Makes a lot of things happen as a tool
• Ben Speiser - Super, sweet and very intelligent
• Jason - brilliant and devoted lover of Ben
• Tom Scholla - been with me for a long time
• The Gang of Knitters around the Yarn Garage - creative and challenging
• Brandon Randolph - stunning man
• Larry Eckhart - funny fun and devoted man
• Bob Moore - gifted artist
• Margo - sweet friend
• Jo - very intelligent and very caring
• Polly - awesome woman
• Dennis Johnston - gifted therapist
• the Fiddle - my drug of choice
• Dan Chouinard - fantastic man of music
• Sima Shumilovsky - sweet old world musician
• Eric - great 12 Step man
• Virginia - very good friend
• The Meintsmas - committed and loving
• Earl Lindner - rock of a man
• Kevin Jackson - gifted with music
• Christopher Raymond - A Mac Genius
• Chris J - good program man
• Leo - my leader and my conscience
• Hank - my first sponsor
• Scott - my second gay sponsor
• Tom S - long time friend and my plumber
• music - heals me and excites me
• Justin - friend and super support the last week or so
• Eric - friend
• Clem - friend
• Christian - friend
• Blaine - friend
• Sasha - friend
• James - friend
• Casey - friend
• Marc J - friend
• Tim K - friend
• Dustin - friend
• Geo - friend
• Joe L - friend
• Ross M - friend
• Joseph S. - friend
• Joseph Perry - friend and my TM teacher
• Christof - friend
• Michelle - friend
• Max - friend
• Dontray - friend

Kind a empty, kind a full

My room mate has moved out and today picked up his stuff, or most of it. This was not a friendly departure and it hurts to see him go. I am praying for him and he is in the hands of God and that is a good place to be.
Watching him move out was hard and he was very unfriendly. It kind of reminded me of the day outside. It is the late winter here and the view off the balcony is a bit drab. The realities are that today is full of blessings. Thank God for my gratitude list:

• Sobriety - I would be so dead or incarcerated without it.
• HP - God gives moment by moment blessings
• the program - gave me my life back
• Christa the Phaeton - a great car and a great toy - but perhaps too expensive
• my home - beautiful, peaceful, now that I have reclaimed it for me
• my health - excellent
• Don - a great man and a man I can relate with who has been super support the last few days
• Jim - my best friend
• Larry - a good guy
• Duane - another best friend
• Rob - the man who completed Duane's life
• Pastor Alika - who breaks open the word like no one else and keeps me working on the connection with Jesus. She is currently in Africa on an Aids HIV mission.
• the folks at Kwanzaa Presbyterian - my family with prayers and support
• my mom and dad - great people who gave me the best of what I have
• Bill - my wonderful brother who goes way beyond in support and care
• Noel - my sister in law who understands
• Eric - my eldest Nephew
• Lucinda - the wonderful wife of my Nephew Eric
• Nate - the funny and fun second Nephew
• Jessica - Nate's wonderful wife and a grand woman
• Nick - The Youngest Nephew and a brilliant musician
• Lydia - Eric and Lucinda's little daughter
• Minnesota - I love this state
• Snow - It is so clean
• Winter - I love it
• Tara - A great member of Kwanzaa
• Arlene - A wonderful woman of Kwanzaa
• Gerry - Super woman and a woman of God from Kwanzaa
• Tony M - he understands and cares and really is way beyond me in many ways
• Christian - Brilliant, good man
• Damien - Superb actor and a good man
• Kent - Excellent Musician and slowly learning.
• Cassidy - who brought so much into my life and my home and now is solidly in my prayers
• Timmy - Talented and gifted man
• The Lattin Family, and all the 14 children, owners of Wit's End County Store and Bakery, Beaver Bay, MN - demonstrating the Kingdom to the world
• Steve H - big heart and a big man of sobriety
• Victor - he cares
• Dustin - a good friend, a bit crazy and a inventive and thoughtful man
• Ko and Lo - A couple of God
• Michael and Debbie - Loving the world with Music
• Technology - Makes a lot of things happen as a tool
• Ben Speiser - Super, sweet and very intelligent
• Jason - brilliant and devoted lover of Ben
• Tom Scholla - been with me for a long time
• The Gang of Knitters around the Yarn Garage - creative and challenging
• Brandon Randolph - stunning man
• Larry Eckhart - funny fun and devoted man
• Bob Moore - gifted artist
• Margo - sweet friend
• Jo - very intelligent and very caring
• Polly - awesome woman
• Dennis Johnston - gifted therapist
• the Fiddle - my drug of choice
• Dan Chouinard - fantastic man of music
• Sima Shumilovsky - sweet old world musician
• Eric - great 12 Step man
• Virginia - very good friend
• The Meintsmas - committed and loving
• Earl Lindner - rock of a man
• Kevin Jackson - gifted with music
• Christopher Raymond - A Mac Genius
• Chris J - good program man
• Leo - my leader and my conscience
• Hank - my first sponsor
• Scott - my second gay sponsor
• Tom S - long time friend and my plumber
• music - heals me and excites me
• Justin - friend
• Eric - friend
• Clem - friend
• Christian - friend
• Blaine - friend
• Sasha - friend
• James - friend
• Casey - friend
• Marc J - friend
• Tim K - friend
• Dustin - friend
• Geo - friend
• Joe L - friend
• Ross M - friend
• Joseph S. - friend
• Joseph Perry - friend and my TM teacher
• Christof - friend
• Michelle - friend
• Max - friend
• Dontray - friend

That ol' Devil ain't gonna turn me around.

I am at Vera's Coffeeshop

Just had a grand meeting with a sponsee.  It was a good meeting.  "The Program" is not something you learn, it is something you do.  It is not a discipline, it is a way of living.  It is not a destination, it is a journey.  In the course of a day I have ups and downs, as long as I check in with Higher Power on what to do and where to be, I am safe and happy and fulfilled.  I am so blessed with the support of so many people.  I have support because I admit that alone, I cannot make it, I cannot keep it together, I make dumb and counterproductive decisions.  Here is my gratitude list for today.

My Gratitude List:
• Sobriety - I would be so dead or incarcerated without it.
• HP - God gives moment by moment blessings
• the program - gave me my life back
• Christa the Phaeton - a great car and a great toy - but perhaps too expensive
• my home - beautiful, peaceful, now that I am reclaiming it for me
• my health - excellent - and the physical tomorrow will confirm this
• Don - a great man and a man I can relate with
• Jim - my best friend
• Larry - a good guy
• Duane - another best friend
• Rob - the man who completed Duane's life
• Pastor Alika - who breaks open the word like no one else and keeps me working on the connection with Jesus
• the folks at Kwanzaa Presbyterian - my family
• my mom and dad - great people who gave me the best of what I have
• Bill - my wonderful brother who goes way beyond in support and care
• Noel - my sister in law who understands
• Eric - my eldest Nephew
• Lucinda - the wonderful wife of my Nephew Eric
• Nate - the funny and fun second Nephew
• Jessica - Nate's wonderful wife and a grand woman
• Nick - The Youngest Nephew and a brilliant musician
• Lydia - Eric and Lucinda's little daughter
• Minnesota - I love this state
• Snow - It is so clean
• Winter - I love it
• Tara - A great member of Kwanzaa
• Arlene - A wonderful woman of Kwanzaa
• Gerry - Super woman and a woman of God from Kwanzaa
• Tony M - he understands and cares and really is way beyond me in many ways
• Christian - Brilliant, good man
• Damien - Superb actor and a good man
• Kent - Excellent Musician and slowly learning.
• Cassidy - who brought so much into my life and my home and now is solidly in my prayers
• Timmy - Talented and gifted man
• The Lattin Family, and all the 14 children, owners of Wit's End County Store and Bakery, Beaver Bay, MN - demonstrating the Kingdom to the world
• Steve H - big heart and a big man of sobriety
• Victor - he cares
• Dustin - a good friend, a bit crazy and a inventive and thoughtful man
• Ko and Lo - A couple of God
• Michael and Debbie - Loving the world with Music
• Technology - Makes a lot of things happen as a tool
• Ben Speiser - Super, sweet and very intelligent
• Jason - brilliant and devoted lover of Ben
• Tom Scholla - been with me for a long time
• The Gang of Knitters around the Yarn Garage - creative and challenging
• Brandon Randolph - stunning man
• Larry Eckhart - funny fun and devoted man
• Bob Moore - gifted artist
• Margo - sweet friend
• Jo - very intelligent and very caring
• Polly - awesome woman
• Dennis Johnston - gifted therapist
• the Fiddle - my drug of choice
• Dan Chouinard - fantastic man of music
• Sima Shumilovsky - sweet old world musician
• Eric - great 12 Step man
• Virginia - very good friend
• The Meintsmas - committed and loving
• Earl Lindner - rock of a man
• Kevin Jackson - gifted with music
• Christopher Raymond - A Mac Genius
• Chris J - good program man
• Leo - my leader and my conscience
• Hank - my first sponsor
• Scott - my second gay sponsor
• Tom S - long time friend and my plumber
• music - heals me and excites me
• Justin - friend
• Eric - friend
• Clem - friend
• Christian - friend
• Blaine - friend
• Sasha - friend
• James - friend
• Casey - friend
• Marc J - friend
• Tim K - friend
• Dustin - friend
• Geo - friend
• Joe L - friend
• Ross M - friend
• Joseph S. - friend
• Joseph Perry - friend and my TM teacher
• Christof - friend
• Michelle - friend
• Max - friend
• Dontray - friend

Kwanzaa - my dirty church

Things have quieted down.  My This is a photo taken at the Kwanzaa Presbyterian Church from my position in the choir seating.  That is Jane, on keyboards and if you look carefully, Pastor Alika is walking down the aisle doing the morning welcome.  Going to Kwanzaa to play violin with their music team sounded simple enough.  I had expected, five years ago when they asked that I would go up once or twice.  I have played there almost every Sunday since.  It is a traditional Black Service which does not have a traditional time limit.  It is a participational service, with all the "Amens" and clapping and sitting down the standing up, and complete interactivity I thought I would never participate in.  I am now spoiled for normal "white" presentational service with folks staying quiet and "holy" in their seats.

A few Sundays ago, a guest preacher talked about Kwanzaa being a "dirty church".  We are not interested is looking good, we are interested in real people and real issues.  

When the well threatens to run dry, it's time to rest and refill.

I am filled with Hope today.  I have been talking with everyone about the events and people of the last few days and because of that, the negative energy and pain is draining away.  A big part of that draining is an Attitude of Gratitude.

My Gratitude List:

• Sobriety - I would be so dead or incarcerated without it.
• HP - God gives moment by moment blessings
• the program - gave me my life back
• Christa the Phaeton - a great car and a great toy
• my home - beautiful, peaceful
• my health - excellent
• Don - a great man and a man I can relate with
• Jim - my best friend
• Larry - a good guy
• Duane - another best friend
• Rob - the man who completed Duane's life
• Pastor Alika - who breaks open the word like no one else
• the folks at Kwanzaa Presbyterian - my family
• my mom and dad - great people who gave me the best of what I have
• Bill - my wonderful brother
• Noel - my sister in law who understands
• Eric - my eldest Nephew
• Lucinda - the wonderful wife of my Nephew Eric
• Nate - the funny and fun second Nephew
• Jessica - Nate's wonderful wife and a grand woman
• Nick - The Youngest Nephew and a brilliant musician
• Lydia - Eric and Lucinda's little daughter
• Minnesota - I love this state
• Snow - It is so clean
• Winter - I love it
• Tara - A great member of Kwanzaa
• Arlene - A wonderful woman of Kwanzaa
• Gerry - Super woman and a woman of God from Kwanzaa
• Tony M - he understands and cares
• Christian - Brilliant, good man
• Damien - Superb actor and a good man
• Kent - Excellent Musician
• Cassidy - who brought so much into my life and my home and now solidly in my prayers
• Timmy - Talented and gifted man
• The Lattin Family, and all the 14 children, owners of Wit's End County Store and Bakery, Beaver Bay, MN - demonstrating the Kingdom to the world
• Steve H - big heart and a big man of sobriety
• Victor - he cares
• Dustin - a good friend, a bit crazy and a inventive and thoughtful man
• Ko and Lo - A couple of God
• Michael and Debbie - Loving the world with Music
• Technology - Makes a lot of things happen as a tool
• Ben Speiser - Super, sweet and very intelligent
• Jason - brilliant and devoted lover of Ben
• Tom Scholla - been with me for a long time
• The Gang of Knitters around the Yarn Garage - creative and challenging
• Brandon Randolph - stunning man
• Larry Eckhart - funny fun and devoted man
• Bob Moore - gifted artist
• Margo - sweet friend
• Jo - very intelligent and very caring
• Polly - awesome woman
• Dennis Johnston - gifted therapist
• the Fiddle - my drug of choice
• Dan Chouinard - fantastic man of music
• Sima Shumilovsky - sweet old world musician
• Eric - great 12 Step man
• Virginia - very good friend
• The Meintsmas - committed and loving
• Earl Lindner - rock of a man
• Kevin Jackson - gifted with music
• Christopher Raymond - A Mac Genius
• Chris J - good program man
• Leo - my leader and my conscience
• Hank - my first sponsor
• Scott - my second gay sponsor
• Tom S - long time friend and my plumber
• music - heals me and excites me
• Justin - friend
• Eric - friend
• Clem - friend
• Christian - friend
• Blaine - friend
• Sasha - friend
• James - friend
• Casey - friend
• Marc J - friend
• Tim K - friend
• Dustin - friend
• Geo - friend
• Joe L - friend
• Ross M - friend
• Joseph S. - friend
• Joseph Perry - friend and my TM teacher
• Christof - friend
• Michelle - friend
• Max - friend
• Dontray - friend

I have a busy day today but it is primarily with events and gifts to myself.  I am so blessed.  I am going to "build and Island of Re-Creation into my day today".  One of my meditation sources suggested that and I am going to do it.