Monday Night, alone and praying

Sitting at home, sad because I was to meet with a great guy who wants to get back into sobriety and he appears to be unavailable.  I pray he is OK.  One meeting we talked about the many times someone wants to meet with you and ends up not making it.  I am the loser when that happens.  Perhaps something came up or perhaps he reconsidered and that is totally out of my control.  But I ache for the alcoholic who still suffers.  Life is so much harder.  It is so lonely.  

Another sponsee is back in jail, no matter how many times this happens, he still has not accepted his addiction and the spiritual solution that awaits him with peace, love and joy.  A lot of my time these days is involved in exercising the only powerful tool I have prayer.  That is a blessing and I am blessed.

My Gratitude List:
• Sobriety - A real joy today.
• HP - My HP does Miracles though sometimes I do not understand them.
• the program - my daily reprieve and NOT my own doing
• Christa the Phaeton - my motorized office
• my home - beautiful, peaceful, stately, quiet and, well, home.
• my health - excellent
• Don - a quiet powerful man and a good friend, and really really funny
• Zach - challenges me and supports me.
• Jim - my best friend and a real rock
• Larry - a good guy
• Duane - another best friend
• Steven - good friend and nuttier than a fruitcake. I am not sure how he makes it but he does.
• Rob - the man who completed Duane's life
• Victor - he cares and that is wonderful
• Dustin - powerful, insightful, insane thinker, and a thoughtful man
• Pastor Alika - who breaks open the word like no one else and keeps me working on the connection with Jesus.
• the folks at Kwanzaa Presbyterian - my family with prayers and support
• my mom and dad - gone but here
• Bill - my wonderful brother who goes way beyond in support and care
• Noel - my sister in law who understands
• Eric - my eldest Nephew
• Lucinda - the wonderful wife of my Nephew Eric
• Nate - the funny and fun second Nephew
• Jessica - Nate's wonderful wife and a grand woman
• Nick - The Youngest Nephew and a brilliant musician
• Lydia - Eric and Lucinda's little daughter
• Minnesota - I love this state
• Tara - A great member of Kwanzaa and a super prayer
• Arlene - A wonderful woman of Kwanzaa
• Gerry - Super woman and a woman of God from Kwanzaa
• Tony M - he understands and cares and really is way beyond me in many ways
• Christian - Brilliant, good man
• Damien - Superb actor and a good man and extremely psychic, a lot of blessing in a man.
• Kent - Excellent Musician and slowly learning.
• Cassidy - a totally wonderful man, he has been given many gifts, with HP he will make it.
• Timmy - Talented and gifted man, sometimes love is tough
• The Lattin Family, and all the 14 children, owners of Wit's End County Store and Bakery, Beaver Bay, MN - demonstrating the Kingdom to the world
• Steve H - big heart and a big man of sobriety
• Lois Koyama - a woman of God
• Michael and Debbie - Loving the world with Music
• Technology - Makes a lot of things happen as a tool
• Ben Speiser - Super, sweet and very intelligent
• Jason - brilliant and devoted lover of Ben
• Tom Scholla - been with me for a long time
• The Gang of Knitters around the Yarn Garage - creative and challenging
• Brandon Randolph - stunning man
• Larry Eckhart - funny fun and devoted man
• Bob Moore - gifted artist
• Margo - sweet friend
• Jo - very intelligent and very caring
• Polly - awesome woman
• Dennis Johnston - gifted therapist
• the Fiddle - my drug of choice
• Dan Chouinard - fantastic man of music
• Sima Shumilovsky - sweet old world musician
• Eric - great 12 Step man
• Virginia - very good friend
• The Meintsmas - committed and loving
• Earl Lindner - rock of a man
• Kevin Jackson - gifted with music
• Christopher Raymond - A Mac Genius
• Chris J - good program man
• Leo - my leader and my conscience
• Hank - my first sponsor
• Scott - my second gay sponsor
• Tom S - long time friend and my plumber and the Scholla Racing guy
• music - heals me and excites me
• Justin - friend and busy guy
• Eric - friend
• Clem - friend
• Christian - friend
• Blaine - friend
• Sasha - friend
• James - friend
• Casey - friend
• Marc J - friend
• Tim K - friend
• Dustin - friend
• Geo - friend
• Joe L - friend
• Ross M - friend
• Joseph S. - friend
• Mario - gifted, loving, caring man
• Joseph Perry - friend and my TM teacher
• Christof - friend
• Michelle - friend
• Max - friend
• Dontray - friend
• Tyler - friend

Slowing down successfully

A frequent comment in the last few months is about how tired I am. My doctor says I have chronic fatigue. I see over and over again that staying up until 1 or 2 am and getting up at 4:30 to 6 am is just not the way to go. I am not sure I have a disease as much as extended stupidity. I am still a kid who wants to stay up late and I am 65. The last few days I have been getting to bed earlier and getting up later. I feel really good today. It will work I think. I am so blessed.

My Gratitude List:
• Sobriety - A real joy today.
• HP - My HP does Miracles.
• the program - my daily reprieve
• Christa the Phaeton - my motorized office
• my home - beautiful, peaceful, stately, quiet and, well, home.
• my health - excellent
• Don - a quiet powerful man and a good friend, and really really funny
• Zach - challenges me and supports me.
• Jim - my best friend and a real rock
• Larry - a good guy
• Duane - another best friend
• Steven - good friend and nuttier than a fruitcake. I am not sure how he makes it but he does.
• Rob - the man who completed Duane's life
• Victor - he cares and that is wonderful
• Dustin - powerful, insightful, insane thinker, and a thoughtful man
• Pastor Alika - who breaks open the word like no one else and keeps me working on the connection with Jesus.
• the folks at Kwanzaa Presbyterian - my family with prayers and support
• my mom and dad - gone but here
• Bill - my wonderful brother who goes way beyond in support and care
• Noel - my sister in law who understands
• Eric - my eldest Nephew
• Lucinda - the wonderful wife of my Nephew Eric
• Nate - the funny and fun second Nephew
• Jessica - Nate's wonderful wife and a grand woman
• Nick - The Youngest Nephew and a brilliant musician
• Lydia - Eric and Lucinda's little daughter
• Minnesota - I love this state
• Tara - A great member of Kwanzaa and a super prayer
• Arlene - A wonderful woman of Kwanzaa
• Gerry - Super woman and a woman of God from Kwanzaa
• Tony M - he understands and cares and really is way beyond me in many ways
• Christian - Brilliant, good man
• Damien - Superb actor and a good man and extremely psychic
• Kent - Excellent Musician and slowly learning.
• Cassidy - a totally wonderful man, he has been given many gifts, with HP he will make it.
• Timmy - Talented and gifted man, sometimes love is tough
• The Lattin Family, and all the 14 children, owners of Wit's End County Store and Bakery, Beaver Bay, MN - demonstrating the Kingdom to the world
• Steve H - big heart and a big man of sobriety
• Lois Koyama - a woman of God
• Michael and Debbie - Loving the world with Music
• Technology - Makes a lot of things happen as a tool
• Ben Speiser - Super, sweet and very intelligent
• Jason - brilliant and devoted lover of Ben
• Tom Scholla - been with me for a long time
• The Gang of Knitters around the Yarn Garage - creative and challenging
• Brandon Randolph - stunning man
• Larry Eckhart - funny fun and devoted man
• Bob Moore - gifted artist
• Margo - sweet friend
• Jo - very intelligent and very caring
• Polly - awesome woman
• Dennis Johnston - gifted therapist
• the Fiddle - my drug of choice
• Dan Chouinard - fantastic man of music
• Sima Shumilovsky - sweet old world musician
• Eric - great 12 Step man
• Virginia - very good friend
• The Meintsmas - committed and loving
• Earl Lindner - rock of a man
• Kevin Jackson - gifted with music
• Christopher Raymond - A Mac Genius
• Chris J - good program man
• Leo - my leader and my conscience
• Hank - my first sponsor
• Scott - my second gay sponsor
• Tom S - long time friend and my plumber and the Scholla Racing guy
• music - heals me and excites me
• Justin - friend and busy guy
• Eric - friend
• Clem - friend
• Christian - friend
• Blaine - friend
• Sasha - friend
• James - friend
• Casey - friend
• Marc J - friend
• Tim K - friend
• Dustin - friend
• Geo - friend
• Joe L - friend
• Ross M - friend
• Joseph S. - friend
• Mario - gifted, loving, caring man
• Joseph Perry - friend and my TM teacher
• Christof - friend
• Michelle - friend
• Max - friend
• Dontray - friend
• Tyler - friend

The Simplicity of Following Christ

I can make my life so complex, or make it very simple.  There is almost no time that I do not have access to what Christ would have me do in my life.  Left alone to my own devices and manipulations, trying to run my life on my own desires and wants is the door to the insane asylum and drinking again.  Life is so simple, I am so blessed.

Ko is gone now and we had a super service for him at United Seminary.  I sure will miss him.

My Gratitude List for Today:

• Sobriety - A real joy today.
• HP - My HP does Miracles.
• the program - my daily reprieve
• Christa the Phaeton - my motorized office
• my home - beautiful, peaceful, stately, quiet and, well, home.
• my health - excellent
• Don - a quiet powerful man and a good friend, and really really funny
• Zach - challenges me and supports me.
• Jim - my best friend and a real rock
• Larry - a good guy
• Duane - another best friend
• Steven - good friend and nuttier than a fruitcake. I am not sure how he makes it but he does.
• Rob - the man who completed Duane's life
• Victor - he cares and that is wonderful
• Dustin - powerful, insightful, insane thinker, and a thoughtful man
• Pastor Alika - who breaks open the word like no one else and keeps me working on the connection with Jesus.
• the folks at Kwanzaa Presbyterian - my family with prayers and support
• my mom and dad - gone but here
• Bill - my wonderful brother who goes way beyond in support and care
• Noel - my sister in law who understands
• Eric - my eldest Nephew
• Lucinda - the wonderful wife of my Nephew Eric
• Nate - the funny and fun second Nephew
• Jessica - Nate's wonderful wife and a grand woman
• Nick - The Youngest Nephew and a brilliant musician
• Lydia - Eric and Lucinda's little daughter
• Minnesota - I love this state
• Tara - A great member of Kwanzaa and a super prayer
• Arlene - A wonderful woman of Kwanzaa
• Gerry - Super woman and a woman of God from Kwanzaa
• Tony M - he understands and cares and really is way beyond me in many ways
• Christian - Brilliant, good man
• Damien - Superb actor and a good man and extremely psychic
• Kent - Excellent Musician and slowly learning.
• Cassidy - a totally wonderful man, he has been given many gifts, with HP he will make it.
• Timmy - Talented and gifted man, sometimes love is tough
• The Lattin Family, and all the 14 children, owners of Wit's End County Store and Bakery, Beaver Bay, MN - demonstrating the Kingdom to the world
• Steve H - big heart and a big man of sobriety
• Lois Koyama - a woman of God
• Michael and Debbie - Loving the world with Music
• Technology - Makes a lot of things happen as a tool
• Ben Speiser - Super, sweet and very intelligent
• Jason - brilliant and devoted lover of Ben
• Tom Scholla - been with me for a long time
• The Gang of Knitters around the Yarn Garage - creative and challenging
• Brandon Randolph - stunning man
• Larry Eckhart - funny fun and devoted man
• Bob Moore - gifted artist
• Margo - sweet friend
• Jo - very intelligent and very caring
• Polly - awesome woman
• Dennis Johnston - gifted therapist
• the Fiddle - my drug of choice
• Dan Chouinard - fantastic man of music
• Sima Shumilovsky - sweet old world musician
• Eric - great 12 Step man
• Virginia - very good friend
• The Meintsmas - committed and loving
• Earl Lindner - rock of a man
• Kevin Jackson - gifted with music
• Christopher Raymond - A Mac Genius
• Chris J - good program man
• Leo - my leader and my conscience
• Hank - my first sponsor
• Scott - my second gay sponsor
• Tom S - long time friend and my plumber and the Scholla Racing guy
• music - heals me and excites me
• Justin - friend and busy guy
• Eric - friend
• Clem - friend
• Christian - friend
• Blaine - friend
• Sasha - friend
• James - friend
• Casey - friend
• Marc J - friend
• Tim K - friend
• Dustin - friend
• Geo - friend
• Joe L - friend
• Ross M - friend
• Joseph S. - friend
• Mario - gifted, loving, caring man
• Joseph Perry - friend and my TM teacher
• Christof - friend
• Michelle - friend
• Max - friend
• Dontray - friend

• Tyler - friend

Stranger than fiction

Had a good evening last night.  I get judgmental about people in the program who could be doing so much better if they just following the directions.  I still need lots of support and some of my support group is challenging me to spend more time with the addition and multiplication types rather than the subtraction and division types.  I will do that.  I really enjoyed working on the test site for Brilliant Bouquets, I like what I am doing but I am getting no feedback from them.  

More business is coming in!!  I am so blessed.

My Gratitude List:
• Sobriety - A real joy today.
• HP - My HP does Miracles.
• the program - my daily reprieve
• Christa the Phaeton - my motorized office
• my home - beautiful, peaceful, stately, quiet and, well, home.
• my health - excellent
• Don - a quiet powerful man and a good friend, and really really funny
• Zach - challenges me and supports me.
• Jim - my best friend and a real rock
• Larry - a good guy
• Duane - another best friend
• Steven - good friend and nuttier than a fruitcake. I am not sure how he makes it but he does.
• Rob - the man who completed Duane's life
• Victor - he cares and that is wonderful
• Dustin - powerful, insightful, insane thinker, and a thoughtful man
• Pastor Alika - who breaks open the word like no one else and keeps me working on the connection with Jesus.
• the folks at Kwanzaa Presbyterian - my family with prayers and support
• my mom and dad - gone but here
• Bill - my wonderful brother who goes way beyond in support and care
• Noel - my sister in law who understands
• Eric - my eldest Nephew
• Lucinda - the wonderful wife of my Nephew Eric
• Nate - the funny and fun second Nephew
• Jessica - Nate's wonderful wife and a grand woman
• Nick - The Youngest Nephew and a brilliant musician
• Lydia - Eric and Lucinda's little daughter
• Minnesota - I love this state
• Tara - A great member of Kwanzaa and a super prayer
• Arlene - A wonderful woman of Kwanzaa
• Gerry - Super woman and a woman of God from Kwanzaa
• Tony M - he understands and cares and really is way beyond me in many ways
• Christian - Brilliant, good man
• Damien - Superb actor and a good man
• Kent - Excellent Musician and slowly learning.
• Cassidy - a totally wonderful man, he has been given many gifts, with HP he will make it.
• Timmy - Talented and gifted man, sometimes love is tough
• The Lattin Family, and all the 14 children, owners of Wit's End County Store and Bakery, Beaver Bay, MN - demonstrating the Kingdom to the world
• Steve H - big heart and a big man of sobriety
• Ko and Lo - A couple of God
• Michael and Debbie - Loving the world with Music
• Technology - Makes a lot of things happen as a tool
• Ben Speiser - Super, sweet and very intelligent
• Jason - brilliant and devoted lover of Ben
• Tom Scholla - been with me for a long time
• The Gang of Knitters around the Yarn Garage - creative and challenging
• Brandon Randolph - stunning man
• Larry Eckhart - funny fun and devoted man
• Bob Moore - gifted artist
• Margo - sweet friend
• Jo - very intelligent and very caring
• Polly - awesome woman
• Dennis Johnston - gifted therapist
• the Fiddle - my drug of choice
• Dan Chouinard - fantastic man of music
• Sima Shumilovsky - sweet old world musician
• Eric - great 12 Step man
• Virginia - very good friend
• The Meintsmas - committed and loving
• Earl Lindner - rock of a man
• Kevin Jackson - gifted with music
• Christopher Raymond - A Mac Genius
• Chris J - good program man
• Leo - my leader and my conscience
• Hank - my first sponsor
• Scott - my second gay sponsor
• Tom S - long time friend and my plumber and the Scholla Racing guy
• music - heals me and excites me
• Justin - friend and super support the last week or so
• Eric - friend
• Clem - friend
• Christian - friend
• Blaine - friend
• Sasha - friend
• James - friend
• Casey - friend
• Marc J - friend
• Tim K - friend
• Dustin - friend
• Geo - friend
• Joe L - friend
• Ross M - friend
• Joseph S. - friend
• Mario - gifted, loving, caring man
• Joseph Perry - friend and my TM teacher
• Christof - friend
• Michelle - friend
• Max - friend
• Dontray - friend

Running a bit tired

From the weekend through yesterday I have been kind of empty and burned out.  I have been dealing with a number of drunks and junkies and the drama is just draining me.  I am amazed at how deep the denial is.  I am getting some good support to work more with people who add to my life rather than subtract.  

God is in charge.  Yesterday I had some concerns but by giving to others, spending time with good people, today all is great and I did not get bogged down with worry or fear.  There is a solution to life and that is HP.  

• Sobriety - A real joy today.
• HP - My HP does Miracles.
• the program - my daily reprieve
• Christa the Phaeton - a great car and a great toy, well worth it.
• my home - beautiful, peaceful, stately, quiet and, well, home.
• my health - excellent
• Don - a quiet powerful man and a good friend, and really really funny

• Zach - newly connecting on a great level, he gives more to me than I to him.
• Jim - my best friend and a real rock
• Larry - a good guy
• Duane - another best friend

• Steven - good friend and nuttier than a fruitcake.  I am not sure how he makes it but he does.
• Rob - the man who completed Duane's life
• Victor - he cares and that is wonderful
• Dustin - powerful, insightful, insane thinker, and a thoughtful man
• Pastor Alika - who breaks open the word like no one else and keeps me working on the connection with Jesus. 
• the folks at Kwanzaa Presbyterian - my family with prayers and support
• my mom and dad - gone but here
• Bill - my wonderful brother who goes way beyond in support and care
• Noel - my sister in law who understands
• Eric - my eldest Nephew
• Lucinda - the wonderful wife of my Nephew Eric
• Nate - the funny and fun second Nephew
• Jessica - Nate's wonderful wife and a grand woman
• Nick - The Youngest Nephew and a brilliant musician
• Lydia - Eric and Lucinda's little daughter
• Minnesota - I love this state
• Tara - A great member of Kwanzaa and a super prayer
• Arlene - A wonderful woman of Kwanzaa
• Gerry - Super woman and a woman of God from Kwanzaa
• Tony M - he understands and cares and really is way beyond me in many ways
• Christian - Brilliant, good man
• Damien - Superb actor and a good man
• Kent - Excellent Musician and slowly learning.
• Cassidy - a totally wonderful man, he has been given many gifts, with HP he will make it.
• Timmy - Talented and gifted man, sometimes love is tough
• The Lattin Family, and all the 14 children, owners of Wit's End County Store and Bakery, Beaver Bay, MN - demonstrating the Kingdom to the world
• Steve H - big heart and a big man of sobriety
• Ko and Lo - A couple of God
• Michael and Debbie - Loving the world with Music
• Technology - Makes a lot of things happen as a tool
• Ben Speiser - Super, sweet and very intelligent
• Jason - brilliant and devoted lover of Ben
• Tom Scholla - been with me for a long time
• The Gang of Knitters around the Yarn Garage - creative and challenging
• Brandon Randolph - stunning man
• Larry Eckhart - funny fun and devoted man
• Bob Moore - gifted artist
• Margo - sweet friend
• Jo - very intelligent and very caring
• Polly - awesome woman
• Dennis Johnston - gifted therapist
• the Fiddle - my drug of choice
• Dan Chouinard - fantastic man of music
• Sima Shumilovsky - sweet old world musician
• Eric - great 12 Step man
• Virginia - very good friend
• The Meintsmas - committed and loving
• Earl Lindner - rock of a man
• Kevin Jackson - gifted with music
• Christopher Raymond - A Mac Genius
• Chris J - good program man
• Leo - my leader and my conscience
• Hank - my first sponsor
• Scott - my second gay sponsor
• Tom S - long time friend and my plumber and the Scholla Racing guy
• music - heals me and excites me
• Justin - friend and super support the last week or so
• Eric - friend
• Clem - friend
• Christian - friend
• Blaine - friend
• Sasha - friend
• James - friend
• Casey - friend
• Marc J - friend
• Tim K - friend
• Dustin - friend
• Geo - friend
• Joe L - friend
• Ross M - friend
• Joseph S. - friend
• Mario - gifted, loving, caring man
• Joseph Perry - friend and my TM teacher
• Christof - friend
• Michelle - friend
• Max - friend
• Dontray - friend