Stingy receiver

It amazes me how many people are just like me. Hank said one day,"damn it Bob, you are a stingy receiver." Bingo! I am so selfish that I refuse support out of my grandiosity. How silly.

You cannot drag me into your drama

Recently a few folks have attempted to drag me into their drama. Well sorry people, I have drama of my own. And no matter how you try, by anger, by hostility, by self pity, by being dramatic, you cannot drag me into your drama.

It is no longer possible to keep the upcoming Prostate Surgery a secret so I am talking about it openly.  I am doing pretty well with it.  I will prepare a living will and update my will before the surgery on June 8, 2015.

I could wish that I would have more care and support but I do have a lot of it.  People get into their own issues and kind of lose awareness of what is happening around them or to me.  I could wish it otherwise but that isn't the way it is. The antidote for me is to get involved with the care of others.  That is a charm with me.

This is a very interesting time.

Little bonfire in my head

I am very burned out this evening. I worked very hard today and loved it. In the evening I saw the Bloomington Civic Theaters production of "Carousel" I loved it. Some people think it hurts me when they ignore me. They are very very wrong. I am feeling the awesome blessings of the love of God and nothing can separate me from that gratitude.

Junior Jesus Complex

This morning was plagued by needy people and I already had a full plate. OVERLOAD. Totally my own fault and all is well now.

Speaking at a meeting

Today I spoke at Jitters, the most important meeting in the Twin Cities area. It most closely reflects the state of AA at the beginning in the 1940s. It was a great privilege and honor. God was in charge.

Weight hovering is a bit of a problem today.

I am learning a lot from my spondees these days. I am doing much more work on my own character defects in a very serious and intense way. I am struggling on my diet and hovering up and down around 240.5. I am going to reduce the bites per meal by one across the board and get more rigorous in keeping it in check and carefully monitoring all the bits in the day. I am so gifted and blessed to live today and be faced with the choice moment by moment of God's will or my own. Sobriety - A gift only HP can give when I let him HP - My HP does Miracles in the here and now, today is a miracle. the program - my daily reprieve and NOT my own doing, very spiritual on an increasing basis these days. Laura, the Passat - my motorized office and companion and definitely me my home - beautiful, peaceful, stately, quiet. the beautiful North Shore of Lake Superior my health - excellent travel is great, particularly in the Passat. Aaron - super friend and great support Randy Prat - great friend Don - a quiet powerful man and a good friend, and really really funny. Really a gift in my life. Leo V. - my sponsor and a real inspiring guy. Victor - he cares and that is wonderful. He is also a great cook. He calls every day. Damien - Superb actor and a good man and extremely psychic, a lot of blessing in a man. I would love to have him as my son. Mark Johnson - superman Andrew Groos - intellectual, thoughtful, provacative Jakub - an awesome man Steve K - Brother in work and mission and focus Ross U - what can I say, beautiful, inside and out. Growing and loving Ronnie B - friend, and a kickass woman, I pray for her health. Josef O - fascinating man Mikey - gifted and insightful, and sometimes a little Puck. Ronnie T - an awesome man and a gift to know Joel L - exciting to watch the struggle begin Dustin Franck - powerful, insightful, insane thinker, and a thoughtful man Dustin Peterson - great man Jim - my best friend and a real rock Larry - a good guy and Jim's significant other and fun and funny. Duane - a superb man and a wonderful friend. An Iphone addict too! Beryl Wells - my favorite insane artist and phenomenal woman of the world Virginia Howard - One awesome woman Harry Waters - Fantastic Director and Drama Coach on the M4D Project Steven - good friend and nuttier than a fruitcake. I am not sure how he makes it but he does. Rob - the man who completed Duane's life Pastor Alika - who breaks open the word like no one else and keeps me working on the connection with Jesus. the folks at Kwanzaa Presbyterian - my family with prayers and support my mom and dad - gone but here Anise Flesh - super woman and grand teacher Aunt Florence - my trooper friend Bill - my wonderful brother who goes way beyond in support and care Noel - my sister in law who understands Eric - my eldest Nephew, back here from the east coast. Lucinda - the wonderful wife of my Nephew Eric Nate - the funny and fun second Nephew Jessica - Nate's wonderful wife and a grand woman Nick - The Youngest Nephew and a brilliant musician Lydia - Eric and Lucinda's little daughter Evie - Eric and Lucinda's newest little daughter Astrid - Nate and Jessica's Daughter Minnesota - I love this state Tara - A great member of Kwanzaa and a super prayer Arlene - A wonderful woman of Kwanzaa Gerry - Super woman and a woman of God from Kwanzaa Tony M - he understands and cares and really is way beyond me in many ways Christian - Brilliant, good man Kent - Excellent Musician and slowly learning. Cassidy - a totally wonderful man, he has been given many gifts, so glad he is doing well Timmy - Talented and gifted man, sometimes love is tough, prayin for him, I respect him greatly DJ Peterson - Timmy's partner and a caring man Ronnie T - smart, funny, a leader Patrick O - gifted artist and a real loving man The Lattin Family, and all the 14 children, Beaver Bay, MN - demonstrating the Kingdom to the world Steve H - big heart and a big man of sobriety Michael and Debbie - Loving the world with Music Technology - Makes a lot of things happen as a tool Ben Speiser - Super, sweet and very intelligent Tom Scholla - been with me for a long time The Gang of Knitters around StevenBe - creative and challenging Brandon Randolph - stunning man, my own secret hero Larry Eckhart - funny fun and devoted man Bob Moore - gifted artist Margo - sweet friend Jo - very intelligent and very caring Polly - awesome woman Bill - the Judge with the mostest Dennis Johnston - gifted therapist the Fiddle - my drug of choice Dan Chouinard - fantastic man of music Sima Shumilovsky - sweet old world musician Eric - great 12 Step man The Meintsmas - committed and loving Earl Lindner - rock of a man Kevin Jackson - gifted with music Christopher Raymond - A Mac Genius Chris J - good program man Leo - deepening in faith and practice Hank - my first sponsor who is gone now but still lives in my head. Scott - my second gay sponsor, now also gone but in my thoughts Tsiana, an astounding heart and great source of happiness music - heals me and excites me Justin - friend and busy guy Eric - friend Clem - friend Christian - friend Sasha - friend James - friend Casey - friend Marc J - friend Tim K - friend Joe L - friend Ross M - friend Joseph S. - friend Mario - gifted, loving, caring man Joseph Perry - friend and my TM teacher Christof - friend Max - friend Dontray - friend Tyler - friend Zach - friend Rory - friend David and Ricky Peterson - the awesome folks of Jessica Anise Flesh - super woman and grand teacher Aunt Florence - my trooper friend Cassidy - a totally wonderful man, he has been given many gifts Timmy - Talented and gifted man, sometimes love is tough, prayin for him Ronnie T - smart, funny, a leader Patrick O - gifted artist and a real loving man The Lattin Family, and all the 14 children, Beaver Bay, MN - demonstrating the Kingdom to the world Steve H - big heart and a big man of sobriety Michael and Debbie - Loving the world with Music Technology - Makes a lot of things happen as a tool Ben Speiser - Super, sweet and very intelligent Tom Scholla - been with me for a long time The Gang of Knitters around the Yarn Garage and StevenBe - creative and challenging Brandon Randolph - stunning man, my own secret hero Larry Eckhart - funny fun and devoted man Bob Moore - gifted artist Margo - sweet friend Jo - very intelligent and very caring Polly - awesome woman Bill - the Judge with the mostest Dennis Johnston - gifted therapist the Fiddle - my drug of choice Dan Chouinard - fantastic man of music Sima Shumilovsky - sweet old world musician Eric - great 12 Step man The Meintsmas - committed and loving Earl Lindner - rock of a man Kevin Jackson - gifted with music Christopher Raymond - A Mac Genius Chris J - good program man Leo - deepening in faith and practice Hank - my first sponsor who is gone now but still lives in my head. Scott - my second gay sponsor, now also gone but in my thoughts music - heals me and excites me Justin - friend and busy guy Eric - friend Clem - friend Christian - friend Sasha - friend James - friend Casey - friend Marc J - friend Tim K - friend Dustin - friend Joe L - friend Ross M - friend Joseph S. - friend Mario - gifted, loving, caring man Joseph Perry - friend and my TM teacher Christof - friend Michelle - friend Max - friend Dontray - friend Tyler - friend Zach - friend Rory - friend David and Ricky Peterson - the awesome folks of Jessica

Today was awesome. I took William and Damien and Mrs. Howard to Kwanzaa and I had NO tremors. The Tremors have made it next to impossible to play violin and make it beautiful. I can play passable but I always went it beautiful. God stayed the results of my tremor.

I am having a strange time on the North Shore. It is beautiful and restful and I am eating well. However it is a challenging time.

Grateful for this wonderful day.

I am so gifted and blessed to live today and be faced with the choice moment by moment of God's will or my own. Sobriety - A gift only HP can give when I let him HP - My HP does Miracles in the here and now, today is a miracle. the program - my daily reprieve and NOT my own doing, very spiritual on an increasing basis these days. Laura, the Passat - my motorized office and companion and definitely me my home - beautiful, peaceful, stately, quiet. the beautiful North Shore of Lake Superior my health - excellent travel is great, particularly in the Passat. Aaron - super friend and great support Randy Prat - great friend Don - a quiet powerful man and a good friend, and really really funny. Really a gift in my life. Leo V. - my sponsor and a real inspiring guy. Victor - he cares and that is wonderful. He is also a great cook. He calls every day. Damien - Superb actor and a good man and extremely psychic, a lot of blessing in a man. I would love to have him as my son. Mark Johnson - superman Andrew Groos - intellectual, thoughtful, provacative Jakub - an awesome man Steve K - Brother in work and mission and focus Ross U - what can I say, beautiful, inside and out. Growing and loving Ronnie B - friend, and a kickass woman, I pray for her health. Josef O - fascinating man Mikey - gifted and insightful, and sometimes a little Puck. Ronnie T - an awesome man and a gift to know Joel L - exciting to watch the struggle begin Dustin Franck - powerful, insightful, insane thinker, and a thoughtful man Dustin Peterson - great man Jim - my best friend and a real rock Larry - a good guy and Jim's significant other and fun and funny. Duane - a superb man and a wonderful friend. An Iphone addict too! Beryl Wells - my favorite insane artist and phenomenal woman of the world Virginia Howard - One awesome woman Harry Waters - Fantastic Director and Drama Coach on the M4D Project Steven - good friend and nuttier than a fruitcake. I am not sure how he makes it but he does. Rob - the man who completed Duane's life Pastor Alika - who breaks open the word like no one else and keeps me working on the connection with Jesus. the folks at Kwanzaa Presbyterian - my family with prayers and support my mom and dad - gone but here Anise Flesh - super woman and grand teacher Aunt Florence - my trooper friend Bill - my wonderful brother who goes way beyond in support and care Noel - my sister in law who understands Eric - my eldest Nephew, back here from the east coast. Lucinda - the wonderful wife of my Nephew Eric Nate - the funny and fun second Nephew Jessica - Nate's wonderful wife and a grand woman Nick - The Youngest Nephew and a brilliant musician Lydia - Eric and Lucinda's little daughter Evie - Eric and Lucinda's newest little daughter Astrid - Nate and Jessica's Daughter Minnesota - I love this state Tara - A great member of Kwanzaa and a super prayer Arlene - A wonderful woman of Kwanzaa Gerry - Super woman and a woman of God from Kwanzaa Tony M - he understands and cares and really is way beyond me in many ways Christian - Brilliant, good man Kent - Excellent Musician and slowly learning. Cassidy - a totally wonderful man, he has been given many gifts, so glad he is doing well Timmy - Talented and gifted man, sometimes love is tough, prayin for him, I respect him greatly DJ Peterson - Timmy's partner and a caring man Ronnie T - smart, funny, a leader Patrick O - gifted artist and a real loving man The Lattin Family, and all the 14 children, Beaver Bay, MN - demonstrating the Kingdom to the world Steve H - big heart and a big man of sobriety Michael and Debbie - Loving the world with Music Technology - Makes a lot of things happen as a tool Ben Speiser - Super, sweet and very intelligent Tom Scholla - been with me for a long time The Gang of Knitters around StevenBe - creative and challenging Brandon Randolph - stunning man, my own secret hero Larry Eckhart - funny fun and devoted man Bob Moore - gifted artist Margo - sweet friend Jo - very intelligent and very caring Polly - awesome woman Bill - the Judge with the mostest Dennis Johnston - gifted therapist the Fiddle - my drug of choice Dan Chouinard - fantastic man of music Sima Shumilovsky - sweet old world musician Eric - great 12 Step man The Meintsmas - committed and loving Earl Lindner - rock of a man Kevin Jackson - gifted with music Christopher Raymond - A Mac Genius Chris J - good program man Leo - deepening in faith and practice Hank - my first sponsor who is gone now but still lives in my head. Scott - my second gay sponsor, now also gone but in my thoughts Tsiana, an astounding heart and great source of happiness music - heals me and excites me Justin - friend and busy guy Eric - friend Clem - friend Christian - friend Sasha - friend James - friend Casey - friend Marc J - friend Tim K - friend Joe L - friend Ross M - friend Joseph S. - friend Mario - gifted, loving, caring man Joseph Perry - friend and my TM teacher Christof - friend Max - friend Dontray - friend Tyler - friend Zach - friend Rory - friend David and Ricky Peterson - the awesome folks of Jessica Anise Flesh - super woman and grand teacher Aunt Florence - my trooper friend Cassidy - a totally wonderful man, he has been given many gifts Timmy - Talented and gifted man, sometimes love is tough, prayin for him Ronnie T - smart, funny, a leader Patrick O - gifted artist and a real loving man The Lattin Family, and all the 14 children, Beaver Bay, MN - demonstrating the Kingdom to the world Steve H - big heart and a big man of sobriety Michael and Debbie - Loving the world with Music Technology - Makes a lot of things happen as a tool Ben Speiser - Super, sweet and very intelligent Tom Scholla - been with me for a long time The Gang of Knitters around the Yarn Garage and StevenBe - creative and challenging Brandon Randolph - stunning man, my own secret hero Larry Eckhart - funny fun and devoted man Bob Moore - gifted artist Margo - sweet friend Jo - very intelligent and very caring Polly - awesome woman Bill - the Judge with the mostest Dennis Johnston - gifted therapist the Fiddle - my drug of choice Dan Chouinard - fantastic man of music Sima Shumilovsky - sweet old world musician Eric - great 12 Step man The Meintsmas - committed and loving Earl Lindner - rock of a man Kevin Jackson - gifted with music Christopher Raymond - A Mac Genius Chris J - good program man Leo - deepening in faith and practice Hank - my first sponsor who is gone now but still lives in my head. Scott - my second gay sponsor, now also gone but in my thoughts music - heals me and excites me Justin - friend and busy guy Eric - friend Clem - friend Christian - friend Sasha - friend James - friend Casey - friend Marc J - friend Tim K - friend Dustin - friend Joe L - friend Ross M - friend Joseph S. - friend Mario - gifted, loving, caring man Joseph Perry - friend and my TM teacher Christof - friend Michelle - friend Max - friend Dontray - friend Tyler - friend Zach - friend Rory - friend David and Ricky Peterson - the awesome folks of Jessica

Well, another day down the drain. Tomorrow morning my normal group is having a "group conscience" meeting. The management of Dunn Bros on Loring Park has 86'd a man who has scared away a number of customers and I guess these people want him back in. He was inappropriate time and time again, he harassed people in the meetings, he insisted on speaking an inordinately long time taking time from others, he harassed staff and other guests of the shop. He should be out for good.

I am going back to posting on here since my own domain, www.bobwhitejazz.com was hijacked. I am doing fine in spite of appalling conditions here. My room mate is very sick and respecting him getting well shuts down my use of the main computer. There have been lots of relapses recently. My preference is to spend time with people who are growing and living healthy lives. That is not what God leads me to do. I cannot wait for my winter break on the North Shore.