Wonderful Day, God is in Charge

I am a bit fatigued these days so I slept in until 8 AM. Got a call from one of the guys in Dixie Cups and the Lil Darlins, the country western band I play in, who just got six months sobriety. That is fantastic. He was a guy who I figured would die a junky. That is so exciting. I am writing a letter to a sponsee who is in prison at the St. Cloud Reformatory. He is telling me he really wants to be sober now. That is kind of easy in prison. Currently the man staying with me is heading for a halfway house. He has totally redone my living room and cleaned it up and it is beautiful. I am telling my story at a noon meeting today and that will be fun. It is a laid back day. Here we go. I am so blessed, thanks God.

My Gratitude List:

• Sobriety - A gift only HP can give when I let him
• HP - My HP does Miracles in the here and now, today is a miracle.
• the program - my daily reprieve and NOT my own doing, very spiritual on an increasing basis these days.
• Christa the Phaeton - my motorized office and companion and definitely me
• my home - beautiful, peaceful, stately, quiet.
• the beautiful North Shore of Lake Superior
• my health - excellent
• travel is great, particularly in the Phaeton.
• Don - a quiet powerful man and a good friend, and really really funny
• Chris M. - my sponsor and a real inspiring guy.
• Victor - he cares and that is wonderful. He is also a great cook.
• Millie - a most awesome person, energized.
• Damien - Superb actor and a good man and extremely psychic, a lot of blessing in a man. I would love to have him as my son.

• Ross U - what can I say, beautiful, inside and out. Growing and loving
• Ronnie - friend, daughter and a kickass woman, I pray for her health.
• Mikey - gifted and insightful, and sometimes a little Puck.

• Ronnie T - an awesome man and a gift to know
• Dustin - powerful, insightful, insane thinker, and a thoughtful man
• Jim - my best friend and a real rock
• Larry - a good guy and Jim's significant other and fun and funny.
• Duane - a superb man and a wonderful friend. An Iphone addict too!
• Beryl Wells - my favorite insane artist and phenomenal woman of the world
• Virginia Howard - One awesome woman
• Aaron - Gifted, my right hand man when he is around and sometimes by phone.
• Harry Waters - Fantastic Director and Drama Coach on the M4D Project
• Ryan Rollinson - a gifted man with a spirit I admire.
• Dewey Lysen - fantastic on the keyboard
• Steven - good friend and nuttier than a fruitcake. I am not sure how he makes it but he does.
• Rob - the man who completed Duane's life
• Bobby M - gentle, caring, sweet man
• Pastor Alika - who breaks open the word like no one else and keeps me working on the connection with Jesus.
• the folks at Kwanzaa Presbyterian - my family with prayers and support
• my mom and dad - gone but here
• Bill - my wonderful brother who goes way beyond in support and care
• Noel - my sister in law who understands
• Eric - my eldest Nephew who is moving his family back here from the east coast.
• Lucinda - the wonderful wife of my Nephew Eric
• Nate - the funny and fun second Nephew
• Jessica - Nate's wonderful wife and a grand woman
• Nick - The Youngest Nephew and a brilliant musician
• Lydia - Eric and Lucinda's little daughter
• Evie - Eric and Lucinda's newest little daughter
• Minnesota - I love this state
• Tara - A great member of Kwanzaa and a super prayer
• Arlene - A wonderful woman of Kwanzaa
• Gerry - Super woman and a woman of God from Kwanzaa
• Tony M - he understands and cares and really is way beyond me in many ways
• Christian - Brilliant, good man
• Kent - Excellent Musician and slowly learning.
• Cassidy - a totally wonderful man, he has been given many gifts
• Timmy - Talented and gifted man, sometimes love is tough, prayin for him
• Ronnie T - smart, funny, a leader
• The Lattin Family, and all the 14 children, owners of Wit's End County Store and Bakery, Beaver Bay, MN - demonstrating the Kingdom to the world
• Steve H - big heart and a big man of sobriety
• Lois Koyama - a woman of God
• Michael and Debbie - Loving the world with Music
• Technology - Makes a lot of things happen as a tool
• Ben Speiser - Super, sweet and very intelligent
• Jason - brilliant and devoted lover of Ben
• Tom Scholla - been with me for a long time
• The Gang of Knitters around the Yarn Garage and StevenBe - creative and challenging
• Brandon Randolph - stunning man, my own secret hero
• Larry Eckhart - funny fun and devoted man
• Bob Moore - gifted artist
• Margo - sweet friend
• Jo - very intelligent and very caring
• Polly - awesome woman
• Bill - the Judge with the mostest
• Dennis Johnston - gifted therapist
• the Fiddle - my drug of choice
• Dan Chouinard - fantastic man of music
• Sima Shumilovsky - sweet old world musician
• Eric - great 12 Step man
• The Meintsmas - committed and loving
• Earl Lindner - rock of a man
• Kevin Jackson - gifted with music
• Christopher Raymond - A Mac Genius
• Chris J - good program man
• Leo - my leader and my conscience
• Hank - my first sponsor who is gone now but still lives in my head.
• Scott - my second gay sponsor, now also gone but in my thoughts
• music - heals me and excites me
• Justin - friend and busy guy
• Eric - friend
• Clem - friend
• Jason L - newly through treatment and a joy
• Christian - friend
• Blaine - friend
• Sasha - friend
• James - friend
• Casey - friend
• Marc J - friend
• Tim K - friend
• Dustin - friend
• Geo - friend
• Joe L - friend
• Ross M - friend
• Joseph S. - friend
• Mario - gifted, loving, caring man
• Joseph Perry - friend and my TM teacher
• Christof - friend
• Michelle - friend
• Max - friend
• Dontray - friend
• Tyler - friend
• Zach - friend
• David and Ricky Peterson - the awesome folks of Jessica

New Visitor, Old Joys, Great Day

Today I will be performing with Carmel Quinn at the Old Log theater. I did it yesterday and I am blessed to do it again today. I am so happy. I love playing the violin and I love Carmel and I love Jimmy Martin. It is such a joy. Thanks God for giving me this joyous opportunity.

Also today a man arrives from Philadelphia who is seeking sobriety and treatment. I am opening my home to him. He has been here three times before. God please help this be the time that this man finds you.

My daughter continues to be sick with various forms of infection. God make her way plain to fine health, she has had enough challenge.

OK God, let me know your mind and give me my directions for today. Give me the strength and courage to carry those directions out. Thanks!

My Gratitude List:

• Sobriety - A gift only HP can give when I let him
• HP - My HP does Miracles in the here and now, today is a miracle.
• the program - my daily reprieve and NOT my own doing, very spiritual on an increasing basis these days.
• Christa the Phaeton - my motorized office and companion and definitely me
• my home - beautiful, peaceful, stately, quiet.
• the beautiful North Shore of Lake Superior
• my health - excellent
• travel is great, particularly in the Phaeton.
• Don - a quiet powerful man and a good friend, and really really funny
• Chris M. - my sponsor and a real inspiring guy.
• Victor - he cares and that is wonderful. He is also a great cook.
• Millie - a most awesome person, energized.
• Damien - Superb actor and a good man and extremely psychic, a lot of blessing in a man. I would love to have him as my son.

• Ross U - what can I say, beautiful, inside and out. Growing and loving
• Ronnie - friend, daughter and a kickass woman, I pray for her health.
• Mikey - gifted and insightful, and sometimes a little Puck.
• Dustin - powerful, insightful, insane thinker, and a thoughtful man
• Jim - my best friend and a real rock
• Larry - a good guy and Jim's significant other and fun and funny.
• Duane - a superb man and a wonderful friend. An Iphone addict too!
• Beryl Wells - my favorite insane artist and phenomenal woman of the world
• Virginia Howard - One awesome woman
• Aaron - Gifted, my right hand man when he is around and sometimes by phone.
• Harry Waters - Fantastic Director and Drama Coach on the M4D Project
• Ryan Rollinson - a gifted man with a spirit I admire.
• Dewey Lysen - fantastic on the keyboard
• Steven - good friend and nuttier than a fruitcake. I am not sure how he makes it but he does.
• Rob - the man who completed Duane's life
• Bobby M - gentle, caring, sweet man
• Pastor Alika - who breaks open the word like no one else and keeps me working on the connection with Jesus.
• the folks at Kwanzaa Presbyterian - my family with prayers and support
• my mom and dad - gone but here
• Bill - my wonderful brother who goes way beyond in support and care
• Noel - my sister in law who understands
• Eric - my eldest Nephew who is moving his family back here from the east coast.
• Lucinda - the wonderful wife of my Nephew Eric
• Nate - the funny and fun second Nephew
• Jessica - Nate's wonderful wife and a grand woman
• Nick - The Youngest Nephew and a brilliant musician
• Lydia - Eric and Lucinda's little daughter
• Evie - Eric and Lucinda's newest little daughter
• Minnesota - I love this state
• Tara - A great member of Kwanzaa and a super prayer
• Arlene - A wonderful woman of Kwanzaa
• Gerry - Super woman and a woman of God from Kwanzaa
• Tony M - he understands and cares and really is way beyond me in many ways
• Christian - Brilliant, good man
• Kent - Excellent Musician and slowly learning.
• Cassidy - a totally wonderful man, he has been given many gifts
• Timmy - Talented and gifted man, sometimes love is tough, prayin for him
• Ronnie T - smart, funny, a leader
• The Lattin Family, and all the 14 children, owners of Wit's End County Store and Bakery, Beaver Bay, MN - demonstrating the Kingdom to the world
• Steve H - big heart and a big man of sobriety
• Lois Koyama - a woman of God
• Michael and Debbie - Loving the world with Music
• Technology - Makes a lot of things happen as a tool
• Ben Speiser - Super, sweet and very intelligent
• Jason - brilliant and devoted lover of Ben
• Tom Scholla - been with me for a long time
• The Gang of Knitters around the Yarn Garage and StevenBe - creative and challenging
• Brandon Randolph - stunning man, my own secret hero
• Larry Eckhart - funny fun and devoted man
• Bob Moore - gifted artist
• Margo - sweet friend
• Jo - very intelligent and very caring
• Polly - awesome woman
• Bill - the Judge with the mostest
• Dennis Johnston - gifted therapist
• the Fiddle - my drug of choice
• Dan Chouinard - fantastic man of music
• Sima Shumilovsky - sweet old world musician
• Eric - great 12 Step man
• The Meintsmas - committed and loving
• Earl Lindner - rock of a man
• Kevin Jackson - gifted with music
• Christopher Raymond - A Mac Genius
• Chris J - good program man
• Leo - my leader and my conscience
• Hank - my first sponsor who is gone now but still lives in my head.
• Scott - my second gay sponsor, now also gone but in my thoughts
• music - heals me and excites me
• Justin - friend and busy guy
• Eric - friend
• Clem - friend
• Jason L - newly through treatment and a joy
• Christian - friend
• Blaine - friend
• Sasha - friend
• James - friend
• Casey - friend
• Marc J - friend
• Tim K - friend
• Dustin - friend
• Geo - friend
• Joe L - friend
• Ross M - friend
• Joseph S. - friend
• Mario - gifted, loving, caring man
• Joseph Perry - friend and my TM teacher
• Christof - friend
• Michelle - friend
• Max - friend
• Dontray - friend
• Tyler - friend
• Zach - friend
• Ronnie T - an awesome man and a gift to know
• David and Ricky Peterson - the awesome folks of Jessica

OK God, are you Really in charge?

“I am Responsible... When anyone, anywhere, reaches out for help, I want the hand of A.A. always to be there, and for that: I am responsible.”

3:09 AM - in my bedroom

Right now there is an addict in the office on the comedown from meth, there is a man on the couch coming down from other drugs, there is a man on my big chair resting for the trip tomorrow to Mankato to catch his bus back to his home state. I have been up since 5 AM yesterday and will drive this guy to Mankato in three hours. I have been praying all day and really feel this is God's will. I have a program guy coming so that when I leave on the Mankato junket, the two remaining men will have sober support.

I am getting tired of this. People know they can call me when they need support but I have seen that used in such a way I am only enabling them. Do I need to start saying no to everything?

Dear God, bless these men and women. Help them to see that you alone are the answer to their problems. And could you give me a break. I am tired. I am not down or depressed, just tired. I keep asking for more help and I am developing a group of trusted people who will be there but they were all busy today so I was juggling the meth addict, the guy from the different state and the other druggy alone and it frankly sucked. I am sad that because of my own doing, one of the finest supports I have is not talking with me and is pretty inaccessible. May I please have some rest and sooner than later. I need it God, really, people are talking about how tired I am and how I should rest, people I don't even know but just meet. Thanks, Amen.

I know a couple of my program friends are so close to seeing that service to others is the key, however they are caught up in their own self oriented issues and really are of no damn good at this point, it is such a waste. I do know that God is in charge and so in spite of the fact I am completely in the dark about how this crazy week is "in God's hands" I want to sit both of them down and just say, "Damn it, are you done with your selfish, self-centered, egotistic preoccupation? There are a lot of people you know and out there that need you living with love and compassion, not self interest and obsession with your own needs. Would you f*cking shape up?" I know it would have little effect, they will be there some day. Just wish they were there now.

In spite of the rant, I am so blessed. Thanks God.

My Gratitude List:

• Sobriety - A gift only HP can give when I let him
• HP - My HP does Miracles in the here and now, today is a miracle.
• the program - my daily reprieve and NOT my own doing, very spiritual on an increasing basis these days.
• Christa the Phaeton - my motorized office and companion and definitely me
• my home - beautiful, peaceful, stately, quiet.
• the beautiful North Shore of Lake Superior
• my health - excellent
• travel is great, particularly in the Phaeton.
• Don - a quiet powerful man and a good friend, and really really funny
• Chris M. - my sponsor and a real inspiring guy.
• Victor - he cares and that is wonderful
• Millie - a most awesome person, energized.
• Damien - Superb actor and a good man and extremely psychic, a lot of blessing in a man.

• Ross U - what can I say, beautiful, inside and out
• Ronnie - friend, daughter and a kickass woman
• Mikey - gifted and insightful
• Dustin - powerful, insightful, insane thinker, and a thoughtful man
• Jim - my best friend and a real rock
• Larry - a good guy and Jim's significant other and fun and funny.
• Duane - a superb man and a wonderful friend. An Iphone addict too!
• Beryl Wells - my favorite insane artist and phenomenal woman of the world
• Virginia Howard - One awesome woman
• Aaron - Gifted, my right hand man when he is around and sometimes by phone.
• Harry Waters - Fantastic Director and Drama Coach on the M4D Project
• Ryan Rollinson - a gifted man with a spirit I admire.
• Dewey Lysen - fantastic on the keyboard
• Steven - good friend and nuttier than a fruitcake. I am not sure how he makes it but he does.
• Rob - the man who completed Duane's life
• Bobby M - gentle, caring, sweet man
• Pastor Alika - who breaks open the word like no one else and keeps me working on the connection with Jesus.
• the folks at Kwanzaa Presbyterian - my family with prayers and support
• my mom and dad - gone but here
• Bill - my wonderful brother who goes way beyond in support and care
• Noel - my sister in law who understands
• Eric - my eldest Nephew who is moving his family back here from the east coast.
• Lucinda - the wonderful wife of my Nephew Eric
• Nate - the funny and fun second Nephew
• Jessica - Nate's wonderful wife and a grand woman
• Nick - The Youngest Nephew and a brilliant musician
• Lydia - Eric and Lucinda's little daughter
• Evie - Eric and Lucinda's newest little daughter
• Minnesota - I love this state
• Tara - A great member of Kwanzaa and a super prayer
• Arlene - A wonderful woman of Kwanzaa
• Gerry - Super woman and a woman of God from Kwanzaa
• Tony M - he understands and cares and really is way beyond me in many ways
• Christian - Brilliant, good man
• Kent - Excellent Musician and slowly learning.
• Cassidy - a totally wonderful man, he has been given many gifts
• Timmy - Talented and gifted man, sometimes love is tough, prayin for him
• Ronnie T - smart, funny, a leader
• The Lattin Family, and all the 14 children, owners of Wit's End County Store and Bakery, Beaver Bay, MN - demonstrating the Kingdom to the world
• Steve H - big heart and a big man of sobriety
• Lois Koyama - a woman of God
• Michael and Debbie - Loving the world with Music
• Technology - Makes a lot of things happen as a tool
• Ben Speiser - Super, sweet and very intelligent
• Jason - brilliant and devoted lover of Ben
• Tom Scholla - been with me for a long time
• The Gang of Knitters around the Yarn Garage and StevenBe - creative and challenging
• Brandon Randolph - stunning man, my own secret hero
• Larry Eckhart - funny fun and devoted man
• Bob Moore - gifted artist
• Margo - sweet friend
• Jo - very intelligent and very caring
• Polly - awesome woman
• Bill - the Judge with the mostest
• Dennis Johnston - gifted therapist
• the Fiddle - my drug of choice
• Dan Chouinard - fantastic man of music
• Sima Shumilovsky - sweet old world musician
• Eric - great 12 Step man
• The Meintsmas - committed and loving
• Earl Lindner - rock of a man
• Kevin Jackson - gifted with music
• Christopher Raymond - A Mac Genius
• Chris J - good program man
• Leo - my leader and my conscience
• Hank - my first sponsor who is gone now but still lives in my head.
• Scott - my second gay sponsor, now also gone but in my thoughts
• music - heals me and excites me
• Justin - friend and busy guy
• Eric - friend
• Clem - friend
• Jason L - newly through treatment and a joy
• Christian - friend
• Blaine - friend
• Sasha - friend
• James - friend
• Casey - friend
• Marc J - friend
• Tim K - friend
• Dustin - friend
• Geo - friend
• Joe L - friend
• Ross M - friend
• Joseph S. - friend
• Mario - gifted, loving, caring man
• Joseph Perry - friend and my TM teacher
• Christof - friend
• Michelle - friend
• Max - friend
• Dontray - friend
• Tyler - friend
• Zach - friend
• Ronnie T - an awesome man and a gift to know
• David and Ricky Peterson - the awesome folks of Jessica