Gratitude yet again

My Gratitude List:
 Sobriety - A gift only HP can give when I let him
 HP - My HP does Miracles in the here and now, today is a miracle.
 the program - my daily reprieve and NOT my own doing, very spiritual on an increasing basis these days.
 Christa the Phaeton - my motorized office and companion and definitely me
 my home - beautiful, peaceful, stately, quiet.
 the beautiful North Shore of Lake Superior
 my health - excellent
 travel is great, particularly in the Phaeton.
 Don - a quiet powerful man and a good friend, and really really funny. Really a gift in my life.
 Chris M. - my sponsor and a real inspiring guy.
 Victor - he cares and that is wonderful. He is also a great cook. He calls every day.
 Millie - a most awesome person, energized.
 Damien - Superb actor and a good man and extremely psychic, a lot of blessing in a man. I would love to have him as my son. I am deeply concerned for him now but leave him to God.
 Ross U - what can I say, beautiful, inside and out. Growing and loving
 Ronnie - friend, and a kickass woman, I pray for her health.
 Josef O - fascinating man and working a good program
 Justin P - Makes me mad but he will make it if he keeps the mouth shut and the mind open and is honest.
 Mikey - gifted and insightful, and sometimes a little Puck.
 Ronnie T - an awesome man and a gift to know
 Joel L - exciting to watch the struggle begin
 Dustin - powerful, insightful, insane thinker, and a thoughtful man
 Jim - my best friend and a real rock
 Larry - a good guy and Jim's significant other and fun and funny.
 Duane - a superb man and a wonderful friend. An Iphone addict too!
 Beryl Wells - my favorite insane artist and phenomenal woman of the world
 Virginia Howard - One awesome woman
 Aaron - Gifted, my right hand man when he is around and sometimes by phone.
 Harry Waters - Fantastic Director and Drama Coach on the M4D Project
 Dewey Lysen - fantastic on the keyboard.
 Steven - good friend and nuttier than a fruitcake. I am not sure how he makes it but he does.
 Rob - the man who completed Duane's life
 Bobby M - gentle, caring, sweet man
 Pastor Alika - who breaks open the word like no one else and keeps me working on the connection with Jesus.
 the folks at Kwanzaa Presbyterian - my family with prayers and support
 my mom and dad - gone but here
 Aunt Florence - my trooper friend
 Aunt Margaret - gone but still here
 Bill - my wonderful brother who goes way beyond in support and care
 Noel - my sister in law who understands
 Eric - my eldest Nephew who is moving his family back here from the east coast.
 Lucinda - the wonderful wife of my Nephew Eric
 Nate - the funny and fun second Nephew
 Jessica - Nate's wonderful wife and a grand woman
 Nick - The Youngest Nephew and a brilliant musician
 Lydia - Eric and Lucinda's little daughter
 Evie - Eric and Lucinda's newest little daughter
 Minnesota - I love this state
 Tara - A great member of Kwanzaa and a super prayer
 Arlene - A wonderful woman of Kwanzaa
 Gerry - Super woman and a woman of God from Kwanzaa
 Tony M - he understands and cares and really is way beyond me in many ways
 Christian - Brilliant, good man
 Kent - Excellent Musician and slowly learning.
 Cassidy - a totally wonderful man, he has been given many gifts
 Timmy - Talented and gifted man, sometimes love is tough, prayin for him
 Ronnie T - smart, funny, a leader
 The Lattin Family, and all the 14 children, owners of Wit's End County Store and Bakery, Beaver Bay, MN - demonstrating the Kingdom to the world
 Steve H - big heart and a big man of sobriety
 Lois Koyama - a woman of God
 Michael and Debbie - Loving the world with Music
 Technology - Makes a lot of things happen as a tool
 Ben Speiser - Super, sweet and very intelligent
 Jason - brilliant and devoted lover of Ben
 Tom Scholla - been with me for a long time
 The Gang of Knitters around the Yarn Garage and StevenBe - creative and challenging
 Brandon Randolph - stunning man, my own secret hero
 Larry Eckhart - funny fun and devoted man
 Bob Moore - gifted artist
 Margo - sweet friend
 Jo - very intelligent and very caring
 Polly - awesome woman
 Bill - the Judge with the mostest
 Dennis Johnston - gifted therapist
 the Fiddle - my drug of choice
 Dan Chouinard - fantastic man of music
 Sima Shumilovsky - sweet old world musician
 Eric - great 12 Step man
 The Meintsmas - committed and loving
 Earl Lindner - rock of a man
 Kevin Jackson - gifted with music
 Christopher Raymond - A Mac Genius
 Chris J - good program man
 Leo - my leader and my conscience
 Hank - my first sponsor who is gone now but still lives in my head.
 Scott - my second gay sponsor, now also gone but in my thoughts
 music - heals me and excites me
 Justin - friend and busy guy
 Eric - friend
 Clem - friend
 Jason L - newly through treatment and a joy
 Christian - friend
 Blaine - friend
 Sasha - friend
 James - friend
 Casey - friend
 Marc J - friend
 Tim K - friend
 Dustin - friend
 Geo - friend
 Joe L - friend
 Ross M - friend
 Joseph S. - friend
 Mario - gifted, loving, caring man
 Joseph Perry - friend and my TM teacher
 Christof - friend
 Michelle - friend
 Max - friend
 Dontray - friend
 Tyler - friend
 Zach - friend
 Rory - friend
 David and Ricky Peterson - the awesome folks of Jessica


Had a hard day yesterday, Aunt Margaret passed away, a great aunt and a fine friend.  Got a bit into my Junior Jesus delusion and had that stopped by about 3 PM.  I have sure wasted a lot of time in my life with a low self esteem and a high ego.  The Pride Festival was crazy.  I am blessed by my roommate Ronnie T.  What a day.
God is in charge.

A Quandry resolved

A man I know and pray for is extremely angry at me. He posted a very vicious and hateful post on my Facebook page. I deleted it and unfriended him. He is out to hurt me in any way possible.

I care for this man and pray for him daily. He has great potential and can be an excellent person. He is drinking. When he drinks he turns into a monster. His post strikes fear in my heart from his anger and destructiveness. I am writing this to process my thoughts and feelings. I am deeply hurt by his comments. They strike at my core and make me very sad. I also relate to the feelings of desertion and emptiness which were at the heart of my heavy drinking. So I can understand his anger and striking out. My first impulse is to try and "do" something to salve his anger or stop him from hurting me. Taking out the Big Book, I am asked, "What am I afraid of?" Well, he could deeply hurt me with his unrestrained anger. Then I am asked where have I been placing my trust and reliance in this matter. I have been trying to figure out what I could do, so it is total self-reliance. The book asks, "Did self-reliance work?" The obvious answer is NO. It then suggests I pray the prayer, “God, please remove my fear and direct my attention to what you would have me be.” I pray that. Then the book asks, "What would God have you be?" Well, I know that one, a man of love and compassion who through his energies and resources seeks and finds and does God's will.

Nuff said, now on with the day.

Today I get to listen to my Nephew sing at First Presbyterian, Stillwater, get to play violin at Kwanzaa, I get to hear a friends story at an afternoon meeting and then go to perhaps my favorite meeting in the evening. Looks like a day of great support and care. God, thanks for removing my fear and moving me on to the now and your will.