A man I know and pray for is extremely angry at me. He posted a very vicious and hateful post on my Facebook page. I deleted it and unfriended him. He is out to hurt me in any way possible.
I care for this man and pray for him daily. He has great potential and can be an excellent person. He is drinking. When he drinks he turns into a monster. His post strikes fear in my heart from his anger and destructiveness. I am writing this to process my thoughts and feelings. I am deeply hurt by his comments. They strike at my core and make me very sad. I also relate to the feelings of desertion and emptiness which were at the heart of my heavy drinking. So I can understand his anger and striking out. My first impulse is to try and "do" something to salve his anger or stop him from hurting me. Taking out the Big Book, I am asked, "What am I afraid of?" Well, he could deeply hurt me with his unrestrained anger. Then I am asked where have I been placing my trust and reliance in this matter. I have been trying to figure out what I could do, so it is total self-reliance. The book asks, "Did self-reliance work?" The obvious answer is NO. It then suggests I pray the prayer, “God, please remove my fear and direct my attention to what you would have me be.” I pray that. Then the book asks, "What would God have you be?" Well, I know that one, a man of love and compassion who through his energies and resources seeks and finds and does God's will.
Nuff said, now on with the day.
Today I get to listen to my Nephew sing at First Presbyterian, Stillwater, get to play violin at Kwanzaa, I get to hear a friends story at an afternoon meeting and then go to perhaps my favorite meeting in the evening. Looks like a day of great support and care. God, thanks for removing my fear and moving me on to the now and your will.
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