Bill Wilson got to a point where he needed to clarify his boundaries and I am at that point this year. "Highly satisfactory to live one's life for others, it cannot be anything but disastrous to live one's life for others as those others think it should be lived." Recent dry benders and spiritual shakes have happened when I thought I should just accede to the wishes of others and put my own desires and wants and needs to the side. This is NOT following the spirit and is in fact a self serving dangerous road to self destruction and phony martyrdom. With a serious look at the counsel of my spiritual sources and wisdom people around me, they have said for years I should take more care of myself. Now I am behaving in the light of their wisdom. It is better for me to ignore the middle of the night phone calls when I am tired, perhaps even turn off the ringer, than to answer every call every time.
I can use the rest and relaxation to be a better man when I am out on the battlefield. Last night I did go to the GLBT in Recovery Skate at the Mall of America Field, I did put on the rollerblades and tried it for about 200 feet. I did what I said I would. But then I took them off and watched other more athletic folks totally enjoy skating. Better to watch and be on the sidelines than to hurt myself trying to keep up with the pack of folks 20 to 40 years younger. Coming back home I went right to bed rather than stay up for the slumber party Aaron staged with his friends.
Now is is a beautiful New Years Day morning and all the others are asleep and I have prayed, read my reading for the day and can now journal. God IS in charge.
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